Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
