Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My cat gives me a boner
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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