Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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