Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
