I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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