So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
