And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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