Who did Billy Mays play for?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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