Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize