i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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