I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
