my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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