dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
