ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
