No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
