The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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