now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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