I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
