either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
