mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Is Oprah even human
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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