goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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