How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Randomize
