I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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