if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
