I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
