My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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