So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
