I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
