Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
