i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
