It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
