People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
this hospital has no fireball
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
