What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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