you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
