Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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