I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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