I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
