Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
