I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
