Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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