I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize