Your face is a jimmy john
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
