Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
