Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
