What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
