A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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