I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
