We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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