I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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