How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
