I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
