All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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