garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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