her vagine was all disorganized.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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