yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
