I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
