TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
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