i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
