I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
