I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
