He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
