Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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