Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
