Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
