Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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