Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
