White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
