Will you blow on my dice?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
